Whole30- Day 3 (The Hangover)

The great thing about Whole30 is that they have a great support team to help you along the way and there are some absolutely amazing people out there that have been through this entire thing before. They can tell you exactly how you will be feeling the next few days and this site: The Whole30 Timeline will provide some amazing tips and encouragement on how to handle your mood swings and cravings. On Day 3, I hit the Hangover stage, it actually started on Day 2 at the end of the day. My head hurt so bad this day. I just really missed my Dr. Pepper, I woke up missing my Dr. Pepper, it’s all I thought about for hours, I finally went to Sonic and bought me an Iced tea, unsweet and that made the cravings a little less. I almost wanted to give up and just call it quits. But, as I look at my clothes that don’t fit and how unhappy I am with my body, I stuck through it. Reminding myself, Dr Pepper will be here in 27 days.

Whole30 (Restart) Day 2

During the middle of the night of Day 2, I started craving sweets, I wanted a candy bar, a donut, anything sweet. Man, how I wanted some chips. But, I held strong and was able to overcome the need for these craving. For Day 2 I had almonds for breakfast, I know it wasn’t the best choice, but I really did not feel like getting up and making anything for myself. For lunch, I ate carrots and my homemade ranch dressing! Yes, it came out great, b.t.w. For dinner, I had two pork chops, a massive salad with my homemade ranch dressing, a banana, applesauce, and green beans.

I think now is the time I’ve realized I don’t totally follow the rules to a T with how I should be eating meals The other day I joined an FB group and found out that banana chia pudding is not compliant because you are replacing the urge to eat real pudding. But, that’s not even how I use it. I use it for my breakfast, I don’t eat it when I want pudding. So, I may continue to eat compliant ingredients and these non-compliant foods, as I breastfeed and I have to get different nutrients from different things. It’s hard to follow the rules when you nurse babies!

Anyways, I’m on Day 9 and am updating this as I go! Wish me luck!

Whole30 (Restart) Day 1

Today was a good day to start Whole30. I have to admit that I am very surprised at the results I’ve had today. It’s absolutely amazing what a meal plan and a few extra days of preparation and grocery shopping will do. When I started this on the 9th I was very ill prepared and honestly, I felt devastated. I know I can do it, but eggs for breakfast, every day? Yuck and a salad with vinegar on it for lunch? Gross. I needed variety. I needed a meal plan. I needed something where I wouldn’t feel cheated, I wouldn’t feel starved, I wouldn’t feel like I’m on a diet. I wanted to be able to feel like I’m doing something to help me feel happy and to lose weight because I’m healthy not because that’s what I intend to do.

So, today I am feeling okay, I’m not disappointed in the meals I have eaten. I had a banana chai pudding for breakfast, so wonderful. Made with two banana’s, chai seeds, and almond milk. It was pretty fantastic. For lunch I had a cobb salad… kind of… I had homemade ranch dressing that I am pretty proud of, I made it from scratch and guess what? It tasted just like ranch dressing! I had some chicken, a hard boiled egg, romaine lettuce mix all in it. I had some raspberry fruit strips (all natural from Aldi’s) and some sweet potato chips (also all natural from Aldi’s) for a snack. For dinner I had baked chicken, with carrots and coconut butter, and a side of apple sauce. I think the snack part kind of goes against Whole30 rules, yes they are compliant but I’m supposed to be changing my eating habits.

So, I did not fail the first day! I don’t feel sad because all I can eat tomorrow are eggs and nothing. I feel very happy with the food choices we have available to us.

 

Whole30- Day 1

It’s officially here! I have started the Whole30 from 12 am on. I am also only eating when I’m hungry, which helps me better mentally, so I don’t have to think about all the foods I should eat or am going to be eating for breakfast, lunch, and dinner. Today I’ve just had fruit for breakfast. Since we eat dinner earlier now that I’ve gone back to work I will be eating dinner and then a snack at the end of the night depending on how hungry I am.

I have put the scale down, part of the whole30 process is not to weigh yourself during this time. I have taken my start pic and will update this post once I have completed today.

I have gone back to work and I get off at 3:30 am so I am a bit tired, but tomorrow and Saturday I am off! Then I took vacation days for my kid’s Spring Break, so my entire start week is focused on Whole30!

Right now my mood is that I can do this. I may just be hinting little reminders in the back of my head “Whole30, Whole30, Whole30” when I get the urge to eat. The best part is, I can have iced tea- unsweet of course, but I love tea!!

7 pm Update:

I’m super hungry right now, but I feel I have more energy. So for breakfast had some fruit, pineapple, grapes, and cantaloupe. For lunch, I ate a salad with balsamic vinegar and olive oil as a dressing and it sucked. For dinner I had a burger with no bun or anything, grilled off of our own grill and some grilled peppers.

I didn’t start wanting sweets until 7pm when I said the word cookie.

 

Whole30-Before/Mental Prep

I have NOT started the Whole30 just yet, I start it on Thursday and today I think that I have realized I am mentally prepared for it, but I also dread it at the same time. I’m going to be restricting myself to certain food groups and that can be difficult and time-consuming. Today is officially the last day I can have sugar or dairy products.

My mood right now, well I’m tired… I just started back to work today and I work nights, so I go to bed at 3:30am or a little after, wake up to feed the baby since I nurse him, wake up to help get the kids ready, and then wake up somewhere between 9am and 11am to start my day.

I did not exercise other than cleaning the house.

On with the last day of horrible eating and terrible eating habits!!!!

Whole30 Journey- Before

Personally, I have always struggled with my weight and to be clear, in high school I was not overweight. I was 5′ 6″ at 136 pounds. Unfortunately for me, I had a mother that wanted to tear me down so I thought I was fat, I wore jackets to cover my fat stomach and my fat arms and my huge boobs because they were/are huge. I was ashamed of my body because my own mother shamed me. She made me feel like it was awful to be anything. One time, in third grade she mentioned that I was “just too tall” and “no man will ever want me”… like hello, I’m in 3rd grade, who cares about that at 8 years old??? She said that I would be much taller than all of the boys because my biological father is 6′ 1”.  Eye Roll. She made me feel that having huge boobs was a terrible thing. She said that no man would want a girl with huge boobs because they only want a woman with a hand full, anything more than that is just “too much”. I would in the shower because I hated my boobs so much. How about when she said that I had a bubble butt just like my grandmother… she made me feel awful about myself.

Nowadays I realize just how terrific these traits are. Heck, I sure wish I had a bigger butt and believe me I’ve done squats, lunges, and everything, I just never see results, not saying that others don’t see the results, I just personally don’t see my own results. I’m one of those people that are blind to how much I’ve changed until I look at pictures and I’m like whoa I’ve gained weight! I’m pretty much okay with my boobs, I mean a little reduction wouldn’t be a big deal but I prefer to keep them, they’ve fed 6 of my babies, so I’m happy with them. I thought I was fat back then in a size 7 jeans, I am embarrassed to put on my jeans now, it is awful. I don’t even think about my weight or how much baby weight I’ve put on or it for real makes me want to just break down and cry. I’ve lost a lot since having my last son, but I’ve gained some back since then. Nursing helps a lot but I want to get my life back and balance it out.

I absolutely LOVE to exercise, yes, I said it, I love to exercise. It makes me feel like I’m in control of my life, that I can accomplish anything, it makes me happy. But, with six kids, I have to figure out a time to exercise, I have to figure a time to clean… it can be tough.

Now, one thing I know for sure helps you in the weight loss process is diet. But, I’m breastfeeding so dieting is unacceptable. I would have to make sure I get enough calories to nurse my son. So, it’s not about losing weight for me, not until my son is weaned, but I am going to attempt to do the Whole30, to reset my body. To reset my life and make my habits better. I want to completely stop drinking anything with sugar in it, such as Dr. Pepper because it’s my fave drink. I need to cut down on my sugar intake and I just thought the Whole30 would be the perfect way to go at this point.

What is Whole30?

You basically cut out all grains, sugars, legumes, alcohol, and dairy. Yes, all these seem to be major food groups. But, I am going to let you join me on my own journey day by day on how I feel. I will be using my blog to keep you updated, maybe a few times a day, sometimes just once a day. My first day is March 9th! This Thursday, so I invite you to join me on this journey. If you need more information go to Whole30.com and read about it.

Big Family, Small Minds

I don’t always have all six of my boys with me when I go out in public. Most of the time I’m grocery shopping or running errands and prefer to leave them at home with their dad. I most of the time take one or two with me, or maybe even three. Even with three, I get rude remarks or told that I have my hands full, nothing compared to the faces or remarks I get once I tell them this is only half of the children I do have.

I have taken all of my children with me, alone to some place and most of the time I get stares as though I’m this single mother with all these kids. People seem to feel sorry for me and offer me advice. I am not a single mother but people don’t care about that either. Here is just a taste of what I go through on a day to day basis with a big family.

To the car salesman that was questioning my income because he seen me with a cute baby and then started telling me all about his six kids, so I advised I too had six kids. When going over my income he stated: “well, we know that you don’t work, you obviously stay home with the kids.” Really? Is that not sexist or what? Just because I am a woman, I have to stay home and take care of six kids? Or are you stating that I cannot afford to work? Because, I very much do work, in fact, I am the sole provider of our “big family”. I nicely advised him that I do work and that I make xx per hour, which I won’t post here, but I do make pretty good money for a WOMAN and a MOTHER.

To the man in the theater at my sons’ program who stated that people who did not have a $100,000 income should not produce more than one child because they cannot financially provide for more than one child and they should at least give the children a fighting chance in this world. Let me just say that not everyone in this world is rich, some are rich with family and love and that’s what I tend to give my children. It’s not all about money when it comes to raising children, it’s about raising good people to do great things in this world. I do make a decent wage and bring home a decent paycheck. My children always have brand new school clothes and shoes every year. Brand new summer clothes and they do not go with out. My children have everything they need.

To the woman that asked, “you know what causes that right?” If you have to ask the question, do you know what causes it?

There’s much more, I could go on forever. There’s those that assume we are on welfare because we are a family of 8, those that assume that I’m a tired mother and don’t want to take time out of my busy time of being a mother to participate in my children’s school activities. Which I do participate in by the way. There’s those that ask me if I was trying to have a girl… nope we were not trying to have a girl.

I love having a big family. It makes holidays all the more fun and birthdays, well we already have a party right here.

 

 

Let’s talk about Gender Disappointment

The most important job in this world that I will ever have is being a mother to my six children. As a mother, I always want to feel that I approve everything my child stands for. As I have made you all aware of I just had another son.

Let me start off by saying TyVee is the most amazing, wonderful, and beautiful baby around. I’m absolutely head over heels in love with him. If I had to do it all over again, I’d definitely choose the six boys I have over having a daughter any day.

With my first pregnancy, I was okay with having a boy or a girl. Once he came out a boy, I absolutely loved the idea of having another boy so he could have a brother to play with…. I loved the thought of being a two boy mother. Times change…

My second pregnancy was supposed to be a girl and I couldn’t wrap my head around being a mother to a girl, maybe because of all the issues I had with my own egg donor… I was terrified. But, would not admit it. My baby came out a boy of course and it felt as though a big weight had been lifted off of my shoulders at the time.

My third, fourth, and fifth pregnancies, I didn’t really find it hard to get my head around that I was having another son with these pregnancies. I was okay with five boys by my last son and I was happy to call our family complete at this point. I guess the pressure to have a girl came from outside people, they would ask us if we were trying to have a girl or say things like “no girl yet?” or “another boy!” and that would get me down.

Baby number six was a complete surprise. We were not supposed to be able to have any more, I thought if we weren’t supposed to have any more than maybe just maybe it was finally a girl. I hate to admit it, but I bought the Intelligender again, they again said girl for this one. But, since they lied the time before, I didn’t get my hopes wrapped around having a girl just yet. I got my Sneak Peak fetal DNA test in the mail, and it came back boy, I was sad. I almost cried but thought that since I lived in an all boy house, maybe it wasn’t sterile enough, maybe male DNA got on my test somehow. Then came the 4D ultrasound at 15 weeks. I was so nervous, but I went in and sure enough, there’s my baby sucking HIS thumb. I got so sad, I cried. I thought maybe it was wrong, maybe it was too early. I kept hoping he was a girl. The final ultrasound was the hardest. I waited anxiously for the day to come and then I went hoping he was the girl. The tech checked several times before she said anything to me. He, sure enough, was a boy. I broke down, it broke my heart. I couldn’t even believe myself. I was really THAT upset about the sex of my baby, I was so angry at something that my baby couldn’t help. I was so sad about it. I didn’t understand why I wasn’t good enough to have a daughter of my own. Someone to go shopping with, get my nails done with, do girly things with.

I had read many different things on gender disappointment. I read about how mothers have postpartum depression because of it and even fathers can get depressed because of it. I read things like a mother feels she should be able to mother both sexes and it’s natural to feel this way. But, I felt awful, I felt so angry at myself, I don’t know what I was more disappointed in, me – for being so upset over my baby being a boy or the fact he was a boy! But, I knew that I was not alone, my aunt told me she knew people having their 6th, 7th, and 8th child and they were all boys as well. They were just as disappointed as me.

The big question, how did I get over it? I knew that I eventually would get over it. But, I was so scared I wouldn’t. I have had five children before him and didn’t suffer from postpartum depression with any of them. I did not want to suffer from it all because of his gender! I just eventually got over it. As the days went by, it just didn’t seem like such a big deal. I mean, I wanted him regardless of his sex…. I wanted to hold him and love him and be his mother, no matter what gender he was. I loved my baby then and now. My love for him was not once questioned by me because of his gender.

I realized how silly of me it was to be that upset over the gender about 20 minutes after I gave birth, I mean yes, I was over the fact he was a boy and I was happy to be having a healthy baby at this point. But, my midwife literally had to tell me I should make sure he was a boy, that’s when I had realized, I didn’t even look! When I pushed him out in the birthing pool, I just swooped him up and instantly started smothering him in kisses and loving him, I nearly cried because I just loved him so much. My husband didn’t even check.

11 weeks later, I have to say, he’s well worth it. He’s well worth not having a daughter… all six of my boys are very much worth not having a daughter. They sure stole my heart away from the very beginning.

For those of you who suffer from gender disappointment, it may not be so easy to get over it. I got lucky. I try to think positive and make sure that I do control the things that I can and just accept the things that cannot be changed. But, it is easier said than done and if you feel any depression or feel you need to talk to someone regarding gender disappointment, you should find someone that can support you in it because it can be very real and very serious.

A Home Birth: My Sixth Birthing Story-2016

As  I mentioned in my previous post, our last baby was supposed to be our last. I mean, no neither one of us made a permanent birth control decision, but we were content with the five kids we did have. The reason I didn’t want to make it permanent was because we were both so young and maybe one d ay we would want just one more baby. Well, on March 29th, my husbands birthday in 2016 we found out we were having another baby. The entire first few weeks we were anxious to see if this one would be a girl. We even took a  test called Sneek Peak and it’s basically to see if there’s any male fetal DNA  in your blood system. Mine came back a Boy. We thought that since our home was full of boys, that their DNA could have gotten on the package somehow, so we didn’t lose hope. I went to a 3D ultrasound pretty early, 14 weeks to be exact and turned out even that showed a boy. I cried because I knew this was it for me, we couldn’t just keep having babies because we want a girl. It means that I’d never get to go on mommy/daughter dates, etc. I cried because I was so angry that I was upset about the sex of my baby. It’s a legit feeling, though, it’s called gender disappointment. When I had my final ultrasound, I cried again because I knew at that point, he had to be a boy. I eventually got over it. As you will see in my birthing story.

This time it was all different, I didn’t go to a doctors office for check ups and I had a very close friend of mine who had done home births in the past. We live pretty far away from family, so we really had no one to help with the other five boys and we honestly don’t trust strangers. I decided that I was going to give it a shot and have a home birth. I remember when I first met my midwife and student midwife, I was so nervous because I had never done a home birth. They are really wonderful women. To do what they do, it takes something great.

After meeting her the first time, I started going to the birthing center once a month for check up’s until 36 weeks. Then it was every other week after that. I even got to choose whether or not to do the glucose test, you know that nasty orange drink? I could even do an alternative, this time, I decided to sit it out. Since I didn’t have any previous gestational diabetes I thought it would be okay. I had to go to a special lab to get my blood work done and the best part is, she never had to feel all over me when I went to my appointments. They were all pretty simple, she’d check the babies heart, measure the baby and my uterus, we’d talk about random things or she’d make sure she’d address any questions I may have had.

As you know, home birthing has no pain medication options, but, I was willing to take that step since my last son, I had no pain medication.  I was so sure that the baby would get here earlier than expected, I was due on December 2nd, 2016 and the day came and went. I got so frustrated because I was so tired and huge and my body just hurt. I was also really concerned that if I didn’t have him by 42 weeks, I’d be forced to go to the hospital and miss out on my home birth experience. I hit  41 weeks and by that time, it was like time was so slow, I could feel every single second of time becuase I just wanted the baby out. After 42 weeks there are supposedly higher risks your baby will be born still born. Well, 41 weeks hit and the days were counting. I had tried everything to help the baby come, nothing worked. Well,  I finally got out my breast pump and started pumping, I started having steady contractions… I went to get my 4-year-old a bath, as I bent down to wash his hair, my water just trickled down my legs. I remember yelling at my husband telling him “OMFG, MY WATER JUST BROKE” the kids all looked around trying to figure out, what water broke, trying to make me feel better. I was so scared because anytime my water broke before, the contractions got more painful. I started to shake because I was in such a hurry and I called the midwife to let her know. She showed up about 30 minutes later, I filled the birthing pool with hot water, and we waited. No baby. Nothing happened. So, the midwife checked me and said that I was dilated to a 2. That I could call her back if the contractions got heavier.

I tried resting through the night, but I just wanted to get my baby here. I also heard that 24 hours after your water breaks your midwife forces you to go to the hospital and it had me so stressed out because again, I wanted a home birth and at this point, I did not have a backup plan for our kids to be taken care of. I would start to contract and then it would stop when I got into the birthing pool, at this point I had no idea water helps stop contractions. About an hour before the 24-hour mark I contacted my midwife, told her to come on ahead and she showed up about an hour later. She checked me and she said I was a zero this time (weird right?) I almost started to cry when she told me that she has to let me know that after 24 hours there’s a risk of infection, but I do not have to go to the hospital. I was so relieved. She started giving me a tincture to help the contractions, she was going to do a membrane sweep, but she went to do it and it turns out that I was actually dilated to a 5, not a zero.  There was scar tissue which was preventing me from fully dilating and allowing her to check. The bad news? The baby hadn’t dropped far enough for her to do a membrane sweep. So, I took the tincture every 15 minutes, pumped for 15 minutes, walked for 15 on and off for a few hours. Then, once the contractions got steady and close together, I just walked and walked and walked until they hurt so bad I wanted in the water.

My midwife lets me get into the birthing pool to see if the contractions would stay, though they barely got too close together, I was contracting and they were painful. I kept my cool,  I kept it together because I don’t want other women to see me weak. Even though this was my strongest moment. The water was so great, so much relief from the pain, and I could just float there and be weightless with the world. It was wonderful. But, I went into transitioning and the pain just came on. At some point the baby was starting to come, I had to get out of the water, but begged the midwife to just drain the water out with me in there, she refused for safety reasons, which I understand. I got out and the student midwife, who was also a doula helped calm me and she helped me  through the contraction until I was able to get back in the water. After that, I decided I couldn’t do this anymore and I pushed out our sixth son.

After getting to hold my baby for the first time, I didn’t even check to make sure he was a boy until 20 minutes later when the midwife h ad to remind me to check! I was so happy to see him, it was just like a wave of love and emotions came over me. All I wanted to do was hold him. The midwife made sure he was okay, did a newborn screening and made sure I was doing okay before she left.

This experience was one of the greatest. I feel like its the closest I have ever been to one of my newborn babies, the closest the other kids got to be to one of their brothers. We didn’t have nurses coming in and bothering us, we had each other. I got to sleep in my own bed and take a shower in my own shower. I didn’t have to drive home or get in the car and come home, because I was already here, with my new baby. He was so used to all the sounds that when my 2-year-old threw a tantrum he didn’t even budge. It made me feel so str

It made me feel so strong to be able to have my son at home and to be able to have a midwife that was on the same level as me instead of a doctor that would force me to do things I did not want to do or agree with.  To allow my body to do what it was always meant to do and get ready when it was meant to be ready. FullSizeRender-1.jpg