No Mother of Mine

Mothers Day, what a wonderful day to celebrate your mother and be celebrated as a mother. However, I will not be celebrating my own mother because she is No Mother of Mine. 

Previously my blog had a ton of posts telling you exactly how I feel about my own mother. Let me take one step back and explain to you that I don’t call her mom. I call her by her first name because to me she isn’t a mother at all. Now, before you start judging me about how I should not treat my mother in such a way, let me tell you a bit about her.

It started off before I was born. She didn’t even want me. She looked into abortions and for some strange reason she backed out. Now, I am thankful for that of course, but she didn’t do it because she had a kind heart. Who knows why she made that choice. She pawned me off on my great grandma’s and she did some pretty awful things when I was a baby. Like put me out in the snow, keep me from my biological father and tell him I wasn’t his, the list can go on forever. When I was a teenager she would tell me I was fat. I really thought I was fat, I wore a jacket every day to cover up my rolls, I was size 7 jeans and 130 pounds, 5′ 6″. I was NOT fat. As I said the list can go on forever.

I’m not mad about the way she used to treat me. It’s how she treats my kids. She has nothing to do with the youngest five. She became very obsessive over my oldest son and she does the same thing to my sisters’ kids except she has a bit more to do with her second son. It got to the point that I had to tell her if she didn’t leave him alone we would get a restraining order. She’s seen my 2nd, 3rd, and 4th son only one time. My last two kids, she hasn’t seen at all. The last time we even spoke to each other was three years ago and it’s because I was stopping to see my grandma. My 2nd son was in the back of the car and my grandma brought up my 4th son’s hair and how curly and poofy it was… and my mom was like “Adam has straight hair” and smiled all big, not even acknowledging my son in the backseat. I said “Tyler has straight hair too” and pointed at him… and she just looked him up and down like she didn’t even care. This argument escalated because I confronted her about coming to the kids birthdays. She never comes to see them and she told me that she has a life and doesn’t have time to come and see my kids. She then told me she doesn’t care about me and walked off.

So, nope I didn’t have a mother to say Happy Mothers Day to..I had a grandmother to say it too. A woman who raised me. A woman who taught me to be a great mom and a woman I look up to. I’m glad she’s here for me still and that she loves all of my babies equally.

Happy Mothers Day to all of you moms! Please share what your kids got you! Mine got me some amazing handmade cards from school and chocolates!




Look at the Box!

Food is just wonderful. I love food, it’s just so great to get a tasty meal and get your tummy full. What you don’t know is that 90% of what we call food, really isn’t food at all. If you go to my Facebook page you will see just what I’m talking about. A man finally looked at the box of cereal his kids were eating and discovered it had Trisodium Phosphate in it.

What is Trisodium Phosphate?

Glad you asked! It’s paint thinner. Yes, you read that right. Our kids’ cereal has paint thinner in it. You can read more about it on Online Holistic Health.

Side Effects

Quoted Directly from Livestrong:

 If you consume large quantities of trisodium phosphate in its crystallized form, you are likely to experience abdominal pain and a burning sensation in the digestive tract. Large doses may cause chemical shock or collapse, according to the International Programme on Chemical Safety. As a dry powder, trisodium phosphate has a corrosive effect on your skin, eyes and respiratory system. If you work with chemicals, avoid smoking or eating on the job before washing your hands.

You can read more here.


Read the Box! Yes, it takes more time in the store but stop and read everything on the back of package and boxes. You will be completely surprised at what you discover. Get to know your foods!

I have been on a clean eating adventure since the start of 2017. It has been really difficult for me. Because everything has chemicals and awful things in them. You basically have to eat fresh. But, paint thinner in food that is marketed to children? That is beyond disbelief. Please take a moment and educate yourselves before allowing little tummies to eat these awful foods.


I Know You’re Broken and You Want Somebody to Save You

Dear Friend,

I know you’re broken and you want somebody to save you. That is why I am going to dedicate this post to you, you, and you. I have been where you are standing. I have felt the pain and loneliness that one feels when there’s nobody there to help. I have been that mother that struggles to make ends meet. I have been that woman who kept blaming herself for a relationship going south. I have been the girl that was so broken inside that I wanted to curl up in a ball and just be alone, but really I just needed a friend.

I want to let you know that you have somebody. If you need someone to remind you of how much you are loved, I will be that friend. If you need someone to hold your hand through the struggles, I will be that hand. If you need a listening ear to cry about things going wrong, I will be that ear. I know how it feels to have nobody at all.

Some days are tough but I promise it gets better. Being a mother and in charge of little people can be very draining. After all, they depend on you for food, shelter, and love. Now, what I can suggest doing is to put your thoughts aside for the night and love your babies. It will make you feel better. Forget about your worries just for one night because those worries will be there in the morning and time flies by when your kids are growing up.

I have felt the burden of everyone else’s pain. I have felt like there was a huge weight on my shoulders and that I was just being pulled deeper and deeper down into a body of water and I couldn’t breathe. Suffocation at it’s best. I have allowed myself to sit in my misery and sorrow. I have pushed other people away because I felt like nobody cared.

I know that you’re broken and you want somebody to save you. I am here when you need me to.



Not Cha Grandma’s Cloth Diapers!

From the title you can tell the topic is about cloth diapers. No, not the safety pin ones silly, they now have buttons!

Cloth diapers are coming back in style because it saves our environment and it saves us money! They are chemical free and wonderful! I started to use cloth diapers on my now 4-year-old when he was born. I had no idea what I was doing and I couldn’t figure out how a cloth diaper worked so I gave up. I called it quits and I regret it. It’s like finding this wonderful gift that you wish you had your entire journey but nope you discovered it at the end of it. Kind of like home birth but that’s a topic for another day.

New Thoughts Vs Old Thoughts

I have a few crunchy friends. They do everything naturally and they choose what is best for their kids. Diapers have a ton of chemicals in them and these chemicals cause diaper rashes and diapers just don’t feel as wonderful as a cloth diaper. My thoughts are the same except I was able to look at it from a new perspective and I realized the first time, I used the diapers wrong. In fact, this is going to sound totally stupid of me but I only purchased the inserts…and didn’t know about the diaper covers. I’m sure if I did a quick Google search I would have discovered that I just needed the diaper covers to go along with it. Here I am 4 years later and 2 babies later…I am so glad I discovered the covers!

Wonderful World of Cloth!

Most women are thrown off at the fact that they will have to throw the diapers into the wash and that is kind of nasty compared to just taking a diaper off and throwing them in the trash. It’s definitely not more convenient to have your baby wearing a cloth diaper. I personally just throw the diapers into a red pail and once I am ready to wash them, I dump that pail into the washer and I’m done with it. It doesn’t take that much more time than throwing away a regular diaper. Plus it’s better for the world.

The best part is what?

I was able to find one size diapers. To my calculation, it saves me over $1500 in diapers. I’m not kidding, diapers cost a lot and this is based on the cheapest diapers you can buy. The best part though is the designs. Your baby gets to wear cute diapers. TyVee has a spaceship one, boats, robots, monkeys, and all different colors. I love his diapers.


I am all into this crunchy mom thing right now, I mean I have been into it but I just started to go Paleo and eat fewer chemicals and worry about what is in our food. I was on Thrive Market which has a ton of gluten free foods and even household products. I clicked upon diapering and found Charlie Banana cloth diapers for $90. I decided to buy the three for $45. Just a trial pack to test them out and I fell in love with them. They are sold at Walmart and Target.

I am currently looking into the BumGenies diapers to get more variety but I love Charlie Banana so much that I may just stick with them and buy 6 more of their diapers. Right now I have 15.


Cloth diapers are absolutely amazing. They are worry free. Yes, I have to wash them, but I don’t ever run out and I always have extra money to spend on something else other than diapers.

I also use 7th Gen. baby wipes because they are chemical free. They do have cloth wipes, but I prefer the wet wipes still.

13 Reasons Why-RATED Part III (Final Review)

Welcome to the final review of the show “13 Reasons Why”. I am going to go into details of the final episode and tell you if I feel you should watch the movie. I am going to do my best to keep the spoilers to a minmum, however I would skip past the review of the final episode if you don’t want spoilers on the ending and go straight to my actual review of the entire show. You can read Part I and Part II of the 13 Reasons Why reviews by clicking on the links.

Here goes the final episode review of 13 Reasons Why- Part III

Tape 7: Side A aka Mr. Porter

Tape 7 has to be the most heartbreaking episode. There was an adult that heard Hannah say she didn’t want to live anymore and he just played it off as if it didn’t mean anything. As an adult and a counselor he should have tried harder to help her and he just didn’t. He allowed her to walk away. Maybe he was just too busy with his wife and his new baby and 2 year old child to care about a teenager. It was his job to hurt her. But, school counselors don’t really care. It’s just a job to them.

The saddest part was the denial of the mother when she found her daughter in the tub. It broke my heart.

Review- Part III

Overall I felt that the show lacked the ability to keep my attention. Sometimes it did an amazing thing that grabbed my attention but it never kept my attention. There were several times that I found myself falling asleep watching it. Or if I paused it, I had a difficult time coming back to watch it. All of the reasons up to #12 weren’t subjectible to suicide for me. I know how it feels to have rumors spread about you and to feel lonley. I know how it is to lose your best friend and go throuh high school with no friends at all. I know how it is to be torn to pieces and have to pick yourself back up. #12 is what did it. I think that’s enough to break any young girl. She had no one to talk to and no where to run. She was isolated and hurt. She was suffocated in her own silence and the only way to be heard was to end it all. There are better shows out there that demonstrates the kind of pain and torture that a person who is suicidal goes through.


13 Reasons Why- RATED, Part II

Thank you for joining me again for Part II of my personal review for 13 Reasons Why. If you hadn’t had a chance to read my previous review yet, please do. You can do so by clicking here. 

Part I was about the first six episodes. This will be about the next six episodes. The 13th and final episode will have the review of it’s own. If you have NOT watched the series please stop now because there are some spoilers.

On with the review of 13 Reasons Why- Part II (Episodes 7-12)

Tape 4: Side A aka Zach

Lonliness is such a difficult part of life. This episode finally hit home for me. When she said the word  lonely, it grabbed my attention. I’ve felt lonely most of my life. Not physically but emotionally. I grew up in a family where I was the outcast. Everyone else liked to fight and had friends. Me? I did my best to be good and stay out of trouble. When I did get into trouble I had everyone turn their backs on me. When I moved to a new town in the third grade the hardest time making friends. I wasn’t invited to birthday parties. I didn’t get to go hang out with friends. Not until the sixth grade. Even then it felt like everyone liked each other more than me. My first real best friend was in the 7th-8th grade. We did everything together. Then I lost her too. I was so alone. Walking the hallways with nobody. Going to class alone. Sitting alone at lunch. Being without friends can break you. Being without anyone to emotionally connect to, breaks you. I know what lonely is because even now I feel like I don’t have friends that care. I get these thoughts and feelings and I need to connect to someone on an emotional level and sometimes there’s nobody to connect with and it is so lonely.

I cried during this episode. I cried writing this post. I felt lonely last week. Like I was in my head screaming so loud and nobody could hear me. I have people that want to hear the latest life news but not one of them really cares about me. Or that’s how I really feel. My kids love me, yes, but this is a different kind of feeling.

Tape 4: Side B aka Ryan

Hannah wanted nothing more than to be heard by people that weren’t at school. She wanted to be able to have others feel her pain. She just didn’t want to deal with those that wouldn’t understand it or her words. Ryan was just another one of the 13 people that betrayed her, if it is 13 people who betrayed her.

Tape 5: Side A aka The Party

Rape should always be taken seriously and people should not stand by if they are witnessing something so horrific. Hannah stood by and I can see how knowing she could have stopped something from happening could damage her.

Tape 5: Side B aka Sheri

Knowing that an accident could have been prevented if you just got there in time can add on the guilt. Sheri could have been able to prevent the guilt being added onto Hannah if she would have just stopped and called the stop sign in. The wreck wouldn’t have happened.

Tape 6: Side A aka Clay

The tape that we all waited to hear. How could this person be on the tapes? What role did he play in Hannah’s suicide? To me he didn’t. He didn’t see her cry for help. That’s not really something we can blame on him. Like she said he doesn’t deserve to be on the tapes.

Hannah’s mother found the draft of who the tapes will go to. I’m interested in seeing where it’ll take us in the next episode. Which led to Clay’s mother needing to prepare him for the deposition.

I believe the hardest part was when Jessica found out she was raped. It can definately destroy her life and I understand why she’s behaving strange.

Tape 6: Side B aka Bryce

Rape can break a soul to pieces. It can tear you a part and leave you with a huge feeling of emptiness as deep as an abyss and you just feel like there’s no way out. Up until this episode I felt like that maybe it was every thing put together. That maybe all these things added up could break a person. But, most girls do go through stuff like this in high school.

Rape makes you feel like your life is no longer worth living. Hannah was already so broken and so upset that she found what hurt her so severely that she couldn’t forget it.

Review- Part II

If you can make it through the first six episodes, the next six episodes can make it well worth it. I think that it needs to come directly from someone that can relate to Hannah’s pain. There’s not always something we can relate to. Maybe you even relate to the people that hurt Hannah. Please stay on the look out for Part III of my 13 Reasons Why review. It will bring my conclusion and let you know how I feel about the ending.

Until then!


13 Reasons Why- RATED Part I

I’m going, to be very honest here, I wasn’t going to watch this show when I first heard about it. I mean everyone was talking about it, people at work, my husband’s friends on his XBox, my friends and I finally gave in. I’m not even fully through the entire series yet and I wanted to start this post when the thoughts were fresh in my mind. If you haven’t watched it yet and don’t like spoilers please come back after you’ve watched it.

As a woman and a girl that has gone through bullying and a mother of a son who has been bullied before, I see what this girl has gone through from both views. I think we are all guilty of bullying and I think we all have been bullied in some way. When I was in 7th grade I didn’t even know I dressed differently until it was pointed out by a boy that I had a crush on. He said he wouldn’t go out with me because I had funny clothes. There were times that people made fun of the way I talked so I quit talking. There were times that people made me feel less than a human being and I didn’t want to be human anymore. As a mother, my son was being bullied and in this day and age, it’s hard for kids to be able to entrust in their parents about what is going on at school. I let my kids know every single day that if something is going on, they will always have me. I have had to tell a few 8-year-olds just how I felt because they were hitting my son with a backpack and calling him names.

On with the show….Here’s my review of 13 Reasons Why…Part I (Episodes 1-6)

Tape 1; Side A aka Justin’s Tape

What Justin did can really hurt a girls reputation. I can understand just by how he treated her and by sending that photo to friends, exactly why Hannah felt less than human. When people paint a picture of you and make you into something that you’re not, but you don’t have a chance to stand up and say you aren’t that type of person or that you didn’t do something it can really hurt you. It can make a person not to want to wake up in the morning, not to go to school, not to be in this world.

Tape 1; Side B aka Jessica

Having friends can be a very important part of our lives as young adults fighting our way through high school. Sometimes all we have is just one friend. When life takes a turn and you lose your best friend to a boy or other friends it can be a devastating experience. This person that seemed like they were attached to your hip is no longer there. They didn’t just fade away, they just ripped themselves away from you and went on with their life as if you never existed. You lost a person and you are grieving.

What’s more important here is that Jessica didn’t even care she hurt her friend. She let a stupid list and sex with a boy come between her and one of her best friends. She said a hurtful thing and used Hannah’s weakest moment against her. That’s just how the world works, we are happy to defend our friends but once we’re no longer friends we take that information and go to war with it. I have always refused to do this to one of my friends because what they confide in me during our friendship will always be kept between us.

Tape 2: Side A aka Alex

When I was in high school there was a notebook that went between me and my friends. It was so that we could all write into it to each other. Eventually, it got confiscated because of the things girls were discussing. I’m not even sure what was so bad about it.

I can see how Alex making the list and acting as if he had sex with Hannah could just add more fuel to the fire. Even more important is the fact that Alex was friends with Hannah and did this to her.

Tape 2: Side B aka Tyler

It wasn’t until this episode that I caught the feels. When the boys were toilet papering the Bakers house and Clay stopped them and the mother, her face…I’m an empath so I could feel exactly how she felt when Clay said he was a friend of Hannah’s. She felt like she could relive her daughter through her friends and part of her daughter would be back.

I think that this was a tragic event and that it lost Hannah another friend. Making her feel even more alone. Again, nobody knew that was her and Courtney in the photo and it could have been easily played off. To feel unsafe in the world is even worse than feeling bullied. The fear and anxiety of someone being there that will harm you literally suffocates you.

This episode ended great. Instead of throwing the rock at the window, he got a naked photo taken. Great job, Clay!

Tape 3: Side A aka Courtney

Courtney not wanting to be friends because of the photo may have been the turning point. She seems to be a good person that has all her ducks in a row and she doesn’t want that messed up or people to judge her for being different. Right when Hannah had nobody, Courtney made a choice to be there and to kiss Hannah. She was the one who told her to do it but then she turned around and put blame on Hannah. Courtney started her own rumors about Hannah and made it worse. Just piling the lies and bullying on more and more.

Victim blaming was a very strong part of this episode. Tyler had a picture going around of his butt. Come on,  it was his butt. The counselor made a remark of how he should be able to prevent stuff like this. Do people really get undressed with the blinds open though?

In the end of the episode Clay’s mom informs him she will be representing the school and be defending them. From my own personal experiences, the school doesn’t care about bullying. They turn a blind eye most of the time. That’s exactly what was done in this instance. The school should settle.

Tape 3: Side B aka Marcus

The beginning of the episode says it all about our society. People lining up to video a fight and someone getting hurt instead of taking a moment to step in and stop what was going on. I think the access to so many devices enhances the chances of bullying and parents not knowing. As a parent I believe our kids need their privacy and that they should be able to come to you with anything. Yet, my oldest son is only 8.

I felt like Marcus definately added fuel to the fire by trying to use her and doing it in front of his friends. At this point, Hannah felt like she was pulling hateful people toward her.

Review-Part I

I wanted to stop watching the show after the first five minutes. I continued to watch it thinking that it would get much better. I’m an empath and I can usually pick up on emotions but I didn’t feel any emotions in this show until episode 4 and the mother was crying, that felt real. After this episode, there wasn’t really a lack of emotions still. I could tell Clay was supposed to have some type of meaningful feelings toward Hannah but I feel like it wasn’t played appropriately. We will see how the next seven episodes go.

Please join me in my next blog entry. Until then!!