0

No Mother of Mine

Mothers Day, what a wonderful day to celebrate your mother and be celebrated as a mother. However, I will not be celebrating my own mother because she is No Mother of Mine. 

Previously my blog had a ton of posts telling you exactly how I feel about my own mother. Let me take one step back and explain to you that I don’t call her mom. I call her by her first name because to me she isn’t a mother at all. Now, before you start judging me about how I should not treat my mother in such a way, let me tell you a bit about her.

It started off before I was born. She didn’t even want me. She looked into abortions and for some strange reason she backed out. Now, I am thankful for that of course, but she didn’t do it because she had a kind heart. Who knows why she made that choice. She pawned me off on my great grandma’s and she did some pretty awful things when I was a baby. Like put me out in the snow, keep me from my biological father and tell him I wasn’t his, the list can go on forever. When I was a teenager she would tell me I was fat. I really thought I was fat, I wore a jacket every day to cover up my rolls, I was size 7 jeans and 130 pounds, 5′ 6″. I was NOT fat. As I said the list can go on forever.

I’m not mad about the way she used to treat me. It’s how she treats my kids. She has nothing to do with the youngest five. She became very obsessive over my oldest son and she does the same thing to my sisters’ kids except she has a bit more to do with her second son. It got to the point that I had to tell her if she didn’t leave him alone we would get a restraining order. She’s seen my 2nd, 3rd, and 4th son only one time. My last two kids, she hasn’t seen at all. The last time we even spoke to each other was three years ago and it’s because I was stopping to see my grandma. My 2nd son was in the back of the car and my grandma brought up my 4th son’s hair and how curly and poofy it was… and my mom was like “Adam has straight hair” and smiled all big, not even acknowledging my son in the backseat. I said “Tyler has straight hair too” and pointed at him… and she just looked him up and down like she didn’t even care. This argument escalated because I confronted her about coming to the kids birthdays. She never comes to see them and she told me that she has a life and doesn’t have time to come and see my kids. She then told me she doesn’t care about me and walked off.

So, nope I didn’t have a mother to say Happy Mothers Day to..I had a grandmother to say it too. A woman who raised me. A woman who taught me to be a great mom and a woman I look up to. I’m glad she’s here for me still and that she loves all of my babies equally.

Happy Mothers Day to all of you moms! Please share what your kids got you! Mine got me some amazing handmade cards from school and chocolates!

-queenofhartsxoxo

 

0

My Second Birthing Experience- 2011

183223_10150103362378685_6177489_n.jpg

As I mentioned in my last blog this is a series of my birthing experiences. I have six boys in all. My second son was actually supposed to be a girl. So, I have to say that this was the most surprising birthing experience in all.

I had my second son at the same hospital with the same doctor. I loved my doctor, though, now I don’t agree with all the choices or actions or convincing done on her part with each of my births I had.

I actually lived about 2 hours away this time from the hospital and my doctor was afraid that I would go into labor 2 hours away. On Feb 13th, 2011, I started having contractions and pains so I drove all the way to the hospital and didn’t really expect to have my daughter son, I just wanted to make sure that I wasn’t in actual labor. We got there in the middle of the night and my doctor came in to see me, she  was happy that I made it. I was only 37 weeks pregnant, for those that haven’t ever had a baby, this is the lowest you can be to be considered full term and it’s very dangerous to be induced as you don’t always know if your actual due date is off by a week or two. It can cause your baby to be born prematurely and put in the NICU. Lucky for me, that was not the case.

The doctor did start the Pitocin right away and my labor went pretty fast. She broke my water, just like she did with my first son and I got an epidural before I started to feel any pain. This had to be the easiest birth I ever had. I did take a bit longer to push him out because he was so small.

When he was born he was 6 lbs 10.5 ounces, he was NOT ready to be born, he should have been a few more pounds, but he was born on Valentines Day. They told me he was a boy and I screamed because I knew they had to be wrong, the ultrasound said he was a girl! Indeed, I now have a 5 year old boy to prove that he is definitely a boy and not a girl.

In this experience, I would have changed being induced so early. In fact the law changed the next year and they cannot induce you until 39 weeks now. This prevents any accidental inductions.

0

My First Birthing Experience- Year of 2008

Before I get started, I want to say that I am doing this all by memory. Being a mother, you never forget your babies births, no matter how many you have. I now have six sons. Every day this week, I will be posting the experiences from hospital births, epidurals, to home births, and dealing with the pain. This is all from my perspective as the mother. How I felt during this time.

My first birthing experience was in August 2008. My pregnancy was fine, I had no issues, gained the right amount of weight, and my baby was a healthy 8lbs and 11 ounces when he was born. I remember walking into the doctors office on my due date, naive as can be because, it was my due date after all, I was going to have the baby. I mean surely the doctor would get him out since it was his “due date”. Now let me step in right here to remind you, that a due date is just an estimate it’s not actually the day your baby will be here. About 5-10% of babies are born on the estimated due date. Many factors go into this calculated date, such as when you conceived, the day of your last period, and the baby will tell you when they are ready to arrive. I didn’t know any of this. I learned a long the way everything I know now. Sadly, my doctor told me that the baby wouldn’t be here for some time due to the fact that I was not dilated or effaced at all. I was devastated. She also informed me that in about a week she would be leaving on vacation so she had to schedule me an induction for me at 41 weeks in order to give birth to my son. Again, I was devastated. I told her I’d prefer not to be induced and she said that she would not be able to deliver my baby so she lead me to believe I had no other choice than to be induced. I went along with it. She also informed me that if the induction failed, I’d have to have a C-Section, again, devastated. But, I went along with it. I was 19 years old and had no idea how birthing worked and up until 40 weeks, I had no clue they could force a baby to be born.

After my doctors appointment I went home and looked up ways to help you dilate. I read a lot about Evening Primrose Oil and went and got some, I put it by my cervix, I do want to point out this is not a good idea unless you research medication or herbs, I am not a doctor and am not recommending the use of EPO. It did NOT work for me at this point. I went to the hospital at 41 weeks and was still a zero.

So, at the hospital I had to get undressed and put a night gown on and lay in the bed. They strapped me down with cables and monitors to keep track of the contractions and the babies heart rate. They put an IV in my arm even though I did not need it right away. Then they told me very little about what was going on and put a Cervidil next to my cervix so that I could start to dilate. My doctor asked me if I’d want an epidural and I told her no. The nurses were shocked and  couldn’t believe it and told me they’d keep the pain doctor on call in case I changed my mind. A few hours had passed and they finally took the pill out. I was only a 1 at that point, so it was working, but my doctor didn’t seem convinced. Again, mentioning a C-Section, which made me cry. I didn’t want a C-Section. She then ruptured my membranes, aka broke my water. Back then, I didn’t think anything of it, but you are supposed to give birth to a baby within 24 hours after your water breaks, especially in a hospital setting, they will try to force you to agree to a C-Section. Induction can fail, but you still have a choice, do not let them break your water if you do not want a C-Section. Premature breaking of your water can be a bad thing. Again, this is something I did not know at the time. They also went ahead and started the Pitocin drip to start up contractions.

Luckily for me, my water made me dilate faster, I ended up with the epidural and felt nothing after that. A few minutes after I received the epidural I was ready to push. I pushed for about 10 minutes and my first born son was born. After the epidural, I could barely walk because I was numb. I immediately was able to take a shower once the pain meds wore off. They continued the Pitocin afterwards to firm up my uterus.

If I could go back, I’d wait a little longer to see if he could be here on his own, I’d also refuse the epidural the entire time. One of my birthing stories will explain the logic behind why I’d do all of this.adamdadjad.jpg