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No Mother of Mine

Mothers Day, what a wonderful day to celebrate your mother and be celebrated as a mother. However, I will not be celebrating my own mother because she is No Mother of Mine. 

Previously my blog had a ton of posts telling you exactly how I feel about my own mother. Let me take one step back and explain to you that I don’t call her mom. I call her by her first name because to me she isn’t a mother at all. Now, before you start judging me about how I should not treat my mother in such a way, let me tell you a bit about her.

It started off before I was born. She didn’t even want me. She looked into abortions and for some strange reason she backed out. Now, I am thankful for that of course, but she didn’t do it because she had a kind heart. Who knows why she made that choice. She pawned me off on my great grandma’s and she did some pretty awful things when I was a baby. Like put me out in the snow, keep me from my biological father and tell him I wasn’t his, the list can go on forever. When I was a teenager she would tell me I was fat. I really thought I was fat, I wore a jacket every day to cover up my rolls, I was size 7 jeans and 130 pounds, 5′ 6″. I was NOT fat. As I said the list can go on forever.

I’m not mad about the way she used to treat me. It’s how she treats my kids. She has nothing to do with the youngest five. She became very obsessive over my oldest son and she does the same thing to my sisters’ kids except she has a bit more to do with her second son. It got to the point that I had to tell her if she didn’t leave him alone we would get a restraining order. She’s seen my 2nd, 3rd, and 4th son only one time. My last two kids, she hasn’t seen at all. The last time we even spoke to each other was three years ago and it’s because I was stopping to see my grandma. My 2nd son was in the back of the car and my grandma brought up my 4th son’s hair and how curly and poofy it was… and my mom was like “Adam has straight hair” and smiled all big, not even acknowledging my son in the backseat. I said “Tyler has straight hair too” and pointed at him… and she just looked him up and down like she didn’t even care. This argument escalated because I confronted her about coming to the kids birthdays. She never comes to see them and she told me that she has a life and doesn’t have time to come and see my kids. She then told me she doesn’t care about me and walked off.

So, nope I didn’t have a mother to say Happy Mothers Day to..I had a grandmother to say it too. A woman who raised me. A woman who taught me to be a great mom and a woman I look up to. I’m glad she’s here for me still and that she loves all of my babies equally.

Happy Mothers Day to all of you moms! Please share what your kids got you! Mine got me some amazing handmade cards from school and chocolates!

-queenofhartsxoxo

 

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Raising a Good Child

Being a parent can be pretty tough some times. You are in charge of raising these little people into being either a good person or a bad person and then allowing them to achieve adulthood. It’s not always that simple. You spend the first 4-5 years of their lives either being the best parent you can be and trying to spend every single minute of their “babyhood” with them or blowing them off and pawning them onto other people. Then when they do get into school, this is the first time you see what type of person your child is going to be and how they will treat others. Are they going to be crazy and beat people up or are they going to be giving and kind, or walked all over?

As a mother of going on six boys, I know how different each kid can be and it’s not always the parent that makes the child that way. Sometimes it’s the environment or their genetic make up. Sometimes it is because their parents either were around a lot of people or around not so many. From the first time I became a mother to this new baby, my main goal is to be able to spend as much time as I can with all of my kids, to be there when they need me, so that they know that no matter what happens, I got their backs. That’s one thing my kids will tell you, that their mom is always here for them. I go to their school parties, chaperone their field trips, go to every single parent teacher conference, and I actively request updates from their teacher multiple times during the month. I’m that proud mother sitting in the crowd when her child achieves a simple student of the week. I’m that defensive mother that shows up at the school when someone doesn’t treat my child just right. But, in all, no matter how much time I spend with my kids, it’s always surprising to see how they interact when I’m not around or when they are around kids their own age.

I have two kids in school as of right now, I have an 8 year old who is in second grade and a 5 year old who is in Kindergarten. Both kids act crazy at home, one more than the other. They’re very open with us at home. My 8 year old was diagnosed with a Sensory Processing Disorder in Pre school and Selective Mutism. He doesn’t talk and hasn’t talked in school this entire time. It doesn’t stop him from testing his teachers and their limits, to see how far they will allow him to go. He’s been written up for throwing pencils and misbehaving when a sub is in charge. My 5 year old is the complete opposite, he’s very quiet and shy, but he is very giving. His teacher told me that if they are doing centers and someone else wants to play there, he hands them the little pin to play there and he’ll go to another station. He’s quiet and one day they had a sub and he was the only one in the class not to act like a dinosaur. She personally pulled him aside to thank him for being so good and she messaged me. Now, my older son has also earned a lion paw for helping another student get his back pack and things such as that. So, these two are very much helpful, but they are very much different.

Respect is the number one thing we need to be able to accomplish as parents. It starts at home. It does not start with you demanding respect from your child, no, quite the opposite. It starts with you respecting the child first, you know… treat others how you want to be treated? I do my best to treat my child like a person. They are very much capable of feelings and choices. They know right from wrong. I get asked all the time why I don’t cut my 5 year olds hair or my 3 year olds. My five year olds hair is long for a boy, but he’s requested to keep it that way. He doesn’t want a hair cut and likes his hair the way it is. I let him choose this, because it’s his hair and I wouldn’t like someone forcing me to get my hair cut if I didn’t want it cut, in fact, I had that happen. I was forced to get my hair all chopped off because of my egg donor wanting it to be cut off. I was very upset about it. My 3 year old, well, his hair is a fro and he looks cute that way, of course if he wanted his hair cut I’d let him, but he doesn’t seem to mind his curls, and if he’s okay with them, so am I. You may be thinking that, that is an awfully young age to allow your kids to choose whether or not they get their hair cut, but I tend to feel that when it comes to parenting, there’s more important things to argue over than a simple hair cut. My older son likes getting his hair cut, but he prefers to have it styled a certain way. Which is okay with me as well.

You can’t just blow off your Childs emotions because you feel a certain way. Your emotions are not superior just because you’re an adult. Your feelings don’t matter any more than theirs do. And you’re supposed to put your kids feelings above all else.