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I am the Omega woman

People, who know me know that I love werewolves and vampires, so why not use the terminology to describe myself? Omega actually does not come from the lonesome wolf that we all know. It comes from the Greek word meaning a person who has been or feels rejected by society. Being rejected by society is not always a bad thing and here’s a post on how I am the Omega woman.

Not many people can actually really say they associate with me. They don’t know my thoughts or what is going on in my day to day life. Heck, they don’t even stop to say hi to me when they do see me. I know some people just add me on Facebook to be nosey but there is nothing to find there. I post about my kids and crunchy things. Maybe a humorous post here and there, but nothing really that come from my mind and heart.

 

I keep to myself. I have not always been this way. I actually started out posting all my cry baby business on Facebook because being a crybaby was my life and I am the first to admit this. I was so down on myself and had no shame in letting the entire world know how I really felt about my relationship. I’m actually ashamed of this.

I spend 99% of my time with my kids and doing mom things. Most of my friends don’t do this. If there’s an event at the school, you bet I’m there in each and every one of my kid’s classes. If my kid needs help with homework, I’m there to help him through it and to teach him what he doesn’t know. If the splash pad is open, you bet I’ll be going to that once a week or multiple times just to spend time with my kids. There’s a new superhero movie out, I’ll be there to see it with my boys.

I don’t allow others to tell me how to parent my kids. Like those people who ask why I’m so picky about the chemicals coming in my household or who get sick of hearing me talk about organic this or organic that. Hey, if you’re sick of it, there’s a door and please don’t talk about your bad chemical filled household, I don’t judge you, please don’t judge me.

I’m an open book. You have a question? I’ll answer it.

I push people away and I really can’t help it. I’ve had a ton of those people that were here one day to get their entertainment on and gone the next. I’m used to it. Please don’t let that door hit you on the way out because I’m not here to entertain you.

My loyalty game is strong. I’m loyal to my kids first and above all, my husband comes in a close second and friends/family are last. If they don’t like you, chances are I don’t like you.

I don’t fit it. I don’t go clubbing, I don’t care if you like my car or my house or the way I dress. I don’t care if you like that I breastfeed, cloth diaper, or the way I walk. This is me, you either like it or take a hike.

I am there for people even when they aren’t for me.

Conclusion

I am an Omega because I choose to be different. I don’t really go around saying I’m an Omega woman, but this is the term that can describe how I am. I don’t care what others think or how they feel anymore. I will not respond to the pettiness of others.

-queenofhartsxoxo

 

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A Home Birth: My Sixth Birthing Story-2016

As  I mentioned in my previous post, our last baby was supposed to be our last. I mean, no neither one of us made a permanent birth control decision, but we were content with the five kids we did have. The reason I didn’t want to make it permanent was because we were both so young and maybe one d ay we would want just one more baby. Well, on March 29th, my husbands birthday in 2016 we found out we were having another baby. The entire first few weeks we were anxious to see if this one would be a girl. We even took a  test called Sneek Peak and it’s basically to see if there’s any male fetal DNA  in your blood system. Mine came back a Boy. We thought that since our home was full of boys, that their DNA could have gotten on the package somehow, so we didn’t lose hope. I went to a 3D ultrasound pretty early, 14 weeks to be exact and turned out even that showed a boy. I cried because I knew this was it for me, we couldn’t just keep having babies because we want a girl. It means that I’d never get to go on mommy/daughter dates, etc. I cried because I was so angry that I was upset about the sex of my baby. It’s a legit feeling, though, it’s called gender disappointment. When I had my final ultrasound, I cried again because I knew at that point, he had to be a boy. I eventually got over it. As you will see in my birthing story.

This time it was all different, I didn’t go to a doctors office for check ups and I had a very close friend of mine who had done home births in the past. We live pretty far away from family, so we really had no one to help with the other five boys and we honestly don’t trust strangers. I decided that I was going to give it a shot and have a home birth. I remember when I first met my midwife and student midwife, I was so nervous because I had never done a home birth. They are really wonderful women. To do what they do, it takes something great.

After meeting her the first time, I started going to the birthing center once a month for check up’s until 36 weeks. Then it was every other week after that. I even got to choose whether or not to do the glucose test, you know that nasty orange drink? I could even do an alternative, this time, I decided to sit it out. Since I didn’t have any previous gestational diabetes I thought it would be okay. I had to go to a special lab to get my blood work done and the best part is, she never had to feel all over me when I went to my appointments. They were all pretty simple, she’d check the babies heart, measure the baby and my uterus, we’d talk about random things or she’d make sure she’d address any questions I may have had.

As you know, home birthing has no pain medication options, but, I was willing to take that step since my last son, I had no pain medication.  I was so sure that the baby would get here earlier than expected, I was due on December 2nd, 2016 and the day came and went. I got so frustrated because I was so tired and huge and my body just hurt. I was also really concerned that if I didn’t have him by 42 weeks, I’d be forced to go to the hospital and miss out on my home birth experience. I hit  41 weeks and by that time, it was like time was so slow, I could feel every single second of time becuase I just wanted the baby out. After 42 weeks there are supposedly higher risks your baby will be born still born. Well, 41 weeks hit and the days were counting. I had tried everything to help the baby come, nothing worked. Well,  I finally got out my breast pump and started pumping, I started having steady contractions… I went to get my 4-year-old a bath, as I bent down to wash his hair, my water just trickled down my legs. I remember yelling at my husband telling him “OMFG, MY WATER JUST BROKE” the kids all looked around trying to figure out, what water broke, trying to make me feel better. I was so scared because anytime my water broke before, the contractions got more painful. I started to shake because I was in such a hurry and I called the midwife to let her know. She showed up about 30 minutes later, I filled the birthing pool with hot water, and we waited. No baby. Nothing happened. So, the midwife checked me and said that I was dilated to a 2. That I could call her back if the contractions got heavier.

I tried resting through the night, but I just wanted to get my baby here. I also heard that 24 hours after your water breaks your midwife forces you to go to the hospital and it had me so stressed out because again, I wanted a home birth and at this point, I did not have a backup plan for our kids to be taken care of. I would start to contract and then it would stop when I got into the birthing pool, at this point I had no idea water helps stop contractions. About an hour before the 24-hour mark I contacted my midwife, told her to come on ahead and she showed up about an hour later. She checked me and she said I was a zero this time (weird right?) I almost started to cry when she told me that she has to let me know that after 24 hours there’s a risk of infection, but I do not have to go to the hospital. I was so relieved. She started giving me a tincture to help the contractions, she was going to do a membrane sweep, but she went to do it and it turns out that I was actually dilated to a 5, not a zero.  There was scar tissue which was preventing me from fully dilating and allowing her to check. The bad news? The baby hadn’t dropped far enough for her to do a membrane sweep. So, I took the tincture every 15 minutes, pumped for 15 minutes, walked for 15 on and off for a few hours. Then, once the contractions got steady and close together, I just walked and walked and walked until they hurt so bad I wanted in the water.

My midwife lets me get into the birthing pool to see if the contractions would stay, though they barely got too close together, I was contracting and they were painful. I kept my cool,  I kept it together because I don’t want other women to see me weak. Even though this was my strongest moment. The water was so great, so much relief from the pain, and I could just float there and be weightless with the world. It was wonderful. But, I went into transitioning and the pain just came on. At some point the baby was starting to come, I had to get out of the water, but begged the midwife to just drain the water out with me in there, she refused for safety reasons, which I understand. I got out and the student midwife, who was also a doula helped calm me and she helped me  through the contraction until I was able to get back in the water. After that, I decided I couldn’t do this anymore and I pushed out our sixth son.

After getting to hold my baby for the first time, I didn’t even check to make sure he was a boy until 20 minutes later when the midwife h ad to remind me to check! I was so happy to see him, it was just like a wave of love and emotions came over me. All I wanted to do was hold him. The midwife made sure he was okay, did a newborn screening and made sure I was doing okay before she left.

This experience was one of the greatest. I feel like its the closest I have ever been to one of my newborn babies, the closest the other kids got to be to one of their brothers. We didn’t have nurses coming in and bothering us, we had each other. I got to sleep in my own bed and take a shower in my own shower. I didn’t have to drive home or get in the car and come home, because I was already here, with my new baby. He was so used to all the sounds that when my 2-year-old threw a tantrum he didn’t even budge. It made me feel so str

It made me feel so strong to be able to have my son at home and to be able to have a midwife that was on the same level as me instead of a doctor that would force me to do things I did not want to do or agree with.  To allow my body to do what it was always meant to do and get ready when it was meant to be ready. FullSizeRender-1.jpg

 

 

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Fifth Birthing Experience-2014

My fifth baby was supposed to be our last baby. At this point, we had given up any hopes of having a girl and the excitement happened before we ever made it to our induction date. We were married 4  days before we had the fifth baby. I was so scared he’d want to go ahead and come out during our wedding, as I was walking down the aisle, but nope he stayed put.

Our induction day was scheduled for  April 20th, 2014, which was Easter.  I  had celebrated Easter with the other four boys prior to going to the hospital to get induced. As luck would have it, though, I didn’t  get induced. I was already having contractions when  I arrived and two hours later they were getting stronger and stronger.  By the fourth hour, the new nurse they decided to stick me with  (who felt she would have an uneventful evening)  would not listen to me about how bad the pain was.  You have to understand,  I  usually received an epidural before it got too bad, except with baby number three.  but, this time no luck.  She gave me some type of medication that put me to sleep. She refused to see how far  I was dilated and swore w e wouldn’t have the baby until t he next afternoon,  this w as about  8 pm at this point.  There was no way I’d hurt that bad for that long.  I begged for my epidural,  the nurse refused to call to have the doctor come and do it. About   10 pm the doctor sent the nurse to finally check to see how far I was dilated, I was an 8! Then I finally hit a  10 five minutes later.  The nurse went to prep and said the doctor was on the way.

My husband was on the phone and I just kept screaming and screaming, I told him I won’t’ stop until I get my epidural. I finally felt the urge to push, I gave   up on the epidural at  that point and told my husband we need a doctor,  he went to the hall to find one, the nurse came  back in, getting ready to take the bed  apart so I could push when the doctor was there, she  turned around to talk to another nurse after I begged h er to let me go  ahead and push, she told me to hold it. It’s called the Fetal  Ejection Reflex,  my body ejected the baby because the nurse had waited too long to allow me to push him out.

He w as the first one  I did not have any medication with.  The pain was gone instantly. I remember trying to reach for h into h help him stop crying. The nurse turned around in shock because he was between my legs on the bed. The doctor came in at that point with her eyes wide o n the baby and surprised. I told her,  that I kept telling the nurse I needed to have him now.

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My Second Birthing Experience- 2011

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As I mentioned in my last blog this is a series of my birthing experiences. I have six boys in all. My second son was actually supposed to be a girl. So, I have to say that this was the most surprising birthing experience in all.

I had my second son at the same hospital with the same doctor. I loved my doctor, though, now I don’t agree with all the choices or actions or convincing done on her part with each of my births I had.

I actually lived about 2 hours away this time from the hospital and my doctor was afraid that I would go into labor 2 hours away. On Feb 13th, 2011, I started having contractions and pains so I drove all the way to the hospital and didn’t really expect to have my daughter son, I just wanted to make sure that I wasn’t in actual labor. We got there in the middle of the night and my doctor came in to see me, she  was happy that I made it. I was only 37 weeks pregnant, for those that haven’t ever had a baby, this is the lowest you can be to be considered full term and it’s very dangerous to be induced as you don’t always know if your actual due date is off by a week or two. It can cause your baby to be born prematurely and put in the NICU. Lucky for me, that was not the case.

The doctor did start the Pitocin right away and my labor went pretty fast. She broke my water, just like she did with my first son and I got an epidural before I started to feel any pain. This had to be the easiest birth I ever had. I did take a bit longer to push him out because he was so small.

When he was born he was 6 lbs 10.5 ounces, he was NOT ready to be born, he should have been a few more pounds, but he was born on Valentines Day. They told me he was a boy and I screamed because I knew they had to be wrong, the ultrasound said he was a girl! Indeed, I now have a 5 year old boy to prove that he is definitely a boy and not a girl.

In this experience, I would have changed being induced so early. In fact the law changed the next year and they cannot induce you until 39 weeks now. This prevents any accidental inductions.

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My First Birthing Experience- Year of 2008

Before I get started, I want to say that I am doing this all by memory. Being a mother, you never forget your babies births, no matter how many you have. I now have six sons. Every day this week, I will be posting the experiences from hospital births, epidurals, to home births, and dealing with the pain. This is all from my perspective as the mother. How I felt during this time.

My first birthing experience was in August 2008. My pregnancy was fine, I had no issues, gained the right amount of weight, and my baby was a healthy 8lbs and 11 ounces when he was born. I remember walking into the doctors office on my due date, naive as can be because, it was my due date after all, I was going to have the baby. I mean surely the doctor would get him out since it was his “due date”. Now let me step in right here to remind you, that a due date is just an estimate it’s not actually the day your baby will be here. About 5-10% of babies are born on the estimated due date. Many factors go into this calculated date, such as when you conceived, the day of your last period, and the baby will tell you when they are ready to arrive. I didn’t know any of this. I learned a long the way everything I know now. Sadly, my doctor told me that the baby wouldn’t be here for some time due to the fact that I was not dilated or effaced at all. I was devastated. She also informed me that in about a week she would be leaving on vacation so she had to schedule me an induction for me at 41 weeks in order to give birth to my son. Again, I was devastated. I told her I’d prefer not to be induced and she said that she would not be able to deliver my baby so she lead me to believe I had no other choice than to be induced. I went along with it. She also informed me that if the induction failed, I’d have to have a C-Section, again, devastated. But, I went along with it. I was 19 years old and had no idea how birthing worked and up until 40 weeks, I had no clue they could force a baby to be born.

After my doctors appointment I went home and looked up ways to help you dilate. I read a lot about Evening Primrose Oil and went and got some, I put it by my cervix, I do want to point out this is not a good idea unless you research medication or herbs, I am not a doctor and am not recommending the use of EPO. It did NOT work for me at this point. I went to the hospital at 41 weeks and was still a zero.

So, at the hospital I had to get undressed and put a night gown on and lay in the bed. They strapped me down with cables and monitors to keep track of the contractions and the babies heart rate. They put an IV in my arm even though I did not need it right away. Then they told me very little about what was going on and put a Cervidil next to my cervix so that I could start to dilate. My doctor asked me if I’d want an epidural and I told her no. The nurses were shocked and  couldn’t believe it and told me they’d keep the pain doctor on call in case I changed my mind. A few hours had passed and they finally took the pill out. I was only a 1 at that point, so it was working, but my doctor didn’t seem convinced. Again, mentioning a C-Section, which made me cry. I didn’t want a C-Section. She then ruptured my membranes, aka broke my water. Back then, I didn’t think anything of it, but you are supposed to give birth to a baby within 24 hours after your water breaks, especially in a hospital setting, they will try to force you to agree to a C-Section. Induction can fail, but you still have a choice, do not let them break your water if you do not want a C-Section. Premature breaking of your water can be a bad thing. Again, this is something I did not know at the time. They also went ahead and started the Pitocin drip to start up contractions.

Luckily for me, my water made me dilate faster, I ended up with the epidural and felt nothing after that. A few minutes after I received the epidural I was ready to push. I pushed for about 10 minutes and my first born son was born. After the epidural, I could barely walk because I was numb. I immediately was able to take a shower once the pain meds wore off. They continued the Pitocin afterwards to firm up my uterus.

If I could go back, I’d wait a little longer to see if he could be here on his own, I’d also refuse the epidural the entire time. One of my birthing stories will explain the logic behind why I’d do all of this.adamdadjad.jpg

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Complications of Wonder

In high school we’re usually asked a simple question, where do we see ourselves in 5 or 10 years from now. I think that’s a pretty difficult answer to come up with because so much changes throughout adulthood that we can’t predict where we see ourselves. Yes, it’s to help students implement a goal and try to reach it, but just because you’re not where you predicted you’d be, does that make you a failure?

I for one never thought, I’d be a mother of five boys, going on number 6 any day now, and working in the technical field. In fact, I wanted to be a cosmetologist and then decided I wanted to be a mother and wanted to be able to stay at home with my child. Then I went through a divorce and needed to make sure I could support that child, plus any more that I had at that point, there’s a ton of things I’ve went through that I didn’t expect. But, that question where I see myself in 5-10 years, well my answer was never accurate.

In fact, I think that it’s a stupid question to ask a bunch of students who are going to go on this journey to find out who they really are and what they really want to do with themselves. I’m 27 years old saying this. It was 10 years ago when I was asked that question and I’m at a completely different place in my life than I thought I’d be back then. I’m a completely different person, with completely different feelings and aspects.

 

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Raising a Good Child

Being a parent can be pretty tough some times. You are in charge of raising these little people into being either a good person or a bad person and then allowing them to achieve adulthood. It’s not always that simple. You spend the first 4-5 years of their lives either being the best parent you can be and trying to spend every single minute of their “babyhood” with them or blowing them off and pawning them onto other people. Then when they do get into school, this is the first time you see what type of person your child is going to be and how they will treat others. Are they going to be crazy and beat people up or are they going to be giving and kind, or walked all over?

As a mother of going on six boys, I know how different each kid can be and it’s not always the parent that makes the child that way. Sometimes it’s the environment or their genetic make up. Sometimes it is because their parents either were around a lot of people or around not so many. From the first time I became a mother to this new baby, my main goal is to be able to spend as much time as I can with all of my kids, to be there when they need me, so that they know that no matter what happens, I got their backs. That’s one thing my kids will tell you, that their mom is always here for them. I go to their school parties, chaperone their field trips, go to every single parent teacher conference, and I actively request updates from their teacher multiple times during the month. I’m that proud mother sitting in the crowd when her child achieves a simple student of the week. I’m that defensive mother that shows up at the school when someone doesn’t treat my child just right. But, in all, no matter how much time I spend with my kids, it’s always surprising to see how they interact when I’m not around or when they are around kids their own age.

I have two kids in school as of right now, I have an 8 year old who is in second grade and a 5 year old who is in Kindergarten. Both kids act crazy at home, one more than the other. They’re very open with us at home. My 8 year old was diagnosed with a Sensory Processing Disorder in Pre school and Selective Mutism. He doesn’t talk and hasn’t talked in school this entire time. It doesn’t stop him from testing his teachers and their limits, to see how far they will allow him to go. He’s been written up for throwing pencils and misbehaving when a sub is in charge. My 5 year old is the complete opposite, he’s very quiet and shy, but he is very giving. His teacher told me that if they are doing centers and someone else wants to play there, he hands them the little pin to play there and he’ll go to another station. He’s quiet and one day they had a sub and he was the only one in the class not to act like a dinosaur. She personally pulled him aside to thank him for being so good and she messaged me. Now, my older son has also earned a lion paw for helping another student get his back pack and things such as that. So, these two are very much helpful, but they are very much different.

Respect is the number one thing we need to be able to accomplish as parents. It starts at home. It does not start with you demanding respect from your child, no, quite the opposite. It starts with you respecting the child first, you know… treat others how you want to be treated? I do my best to treat my child like a person. They are very much capable of feelings and choices. They know right from wrong. I get asked all the time why I don’t cut my 5 year olds hair or my 3 year olds. My five year olds hair is long for a boy, but he’s requested to keep it that way. He doesn’t want a hair cut and likes his hair the way it is. I let him choose this, because it’s his hair and I wouldn’t like someone forcing me to get my hair cut if I didn’t want it cut, in fact, I had that happen. I was forced to get my hair all chopped off because of my egg donor wanting it to be cut off. I was very upset about it. My 3 year old, well, his hair is a fro and he looks cute that way, of course if he wanted his hair cut I’d let him, but he doesn’t seem to mind his curls, and if he’s okay with them, so am I. You may be thinking that, that is an awfully young age to allow your kids to choose whether or not they get their hair cut, but I tend to feel that when it comes to parenting, there’s more important things to argue over than a simple hair cut. My older son likes getting his hair cut, but he prefers to have it styled a certain way. Which is okay with me as well.

You can’t just blow off your Childs emotions because you feel a certain way. Your emotions are not superior just because you’re an adult. Your feelings don’t matter any more than theirs do. And you’re supposed to put your kids feelings above all else.