Posted in Random Thoughts

SMH Moment Number One

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Imagine this, you did all of your Algebra homework and you were so proud of yourself. Then bam, your instructor posts at the last minute that you did great work except for the fact that you did the wrong problem.

So, you are like “okay, I got this” and you redo the equation. But then you later realize that you have to do it all over again because you use the quadratic formula instead of factoring like the homework says to do!

That’s me right now. That’s the situation I am in, currently and I am dreading to have to do another math problem for the third time. I am currently shaking my head a thousand times at myself. Wish me luck!

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Posted in Mixed Six

Free to Fly

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I really like that I can touch so many followers with my words. It means a lot when you all like my blog entries or my posts and even more when you follow me. I haven’t been able to update as often as I should, as I explained in my last blog entry I have been going through a lot this past year and I am trying to get back on track. Yesterday I was able to do a few loads of laundry. I did not get to fold them but they are washed. This leads me to my next topic… a new blog.

This could go so many ways right now, I could close this blog down and completely open a new one, transfer all my entries to the website I create with that one, or I can keep both blogs going. This one I like because it is personal, it’s about how I feel. The new blog would be based on my children, husband and myself as a mother and wife. It would discuss my challenges and things we face as a family. Please leave your thoughts on what I should do. I’m totally open for discussion.

Keep an eye out on my decision!

Posted in Random Thoughts

The Battle

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Life is constantly moving in all different directions. It sometimes goes so fast that I feel like I can’t catch up with anything. The days just go by and I still haven’t gotten everything in my life completed by the end of the day. It really leaves me feeling defeated and hopeless. I’ve been feeling this way for way too long. It’s time to get control, keep control, and satisfy the necessities I have in life.

The last thing I want to do is make my blog feel as though I am writing it for media purposes or being paid to write something, so all of my work is authentic and my actual feelings. It’s Veronica in the flesh.

The battle is usually only half the struggle, for me though, it seems to be like the whole damn thing. It’s hard to get up in the morning knowing that I have absolutely zilch control over my life right now. For me, it’s pinpointing when I lost control and how to get it back. You may be wondering, what control am I referring to? Let me elaborate….I feel that I’ve lost control over my body, my mind, my house, and financial freedom.

In the months of empowering other women to do the best they can in life, I’ve lost my own empowerment and that’s not a fun thing to go through. I’ve lost my positive outlook on life and I guess everyone goes through these times. Let’s start with my struggles:

Parenting

As a parent, it is super difficult admitting that you’re not doing something right. Here I am, full disclosure, I’m not doing something right.  I read a post the other day that said blaming your children for your dirty house is a terrible excuse and you should be able to clean it regardless of having kids. The thing about that is, when you have so many kids (we have six) and they are super young in age, the house is going to get messy and keeping it clean is going to be difficult. Both my husband and I can clean all day long and our children will literally follow behind us and destroy what we have done. If I want a spotless house I won’t be able to do anything but clean it, 24/7. My older 4 children seem to not understand what neatness is. They will pretend to pick up the house and their messes, then sit right back in front of whatever electronic that has their minds intrigued. It’s time I put a stop to that.

Financial Freedoms

Financial struggles happen to all of us and I’ve been the person that received a $500 utilities bill and didn’t know how the hell I would pay it. I used to have to run around our small town and try to get help from businesses when that would happen. That’s not what I’m talking about here. We’re not necessarily struggling financially, which I am thankful for. It’s the lack of extra money. We want things and we can’t always buy what we want. I see so many people who decide they don’t want to cook that night and they run out and buy these big ass meals and they always have extra money. Somewhere along the line, I messed up and didn’t budget very well and now I have to fix it before we can have any extra income. I want to make a promise to myself that I will somehow rise above this and get back on track so that we can save money and spend money. (Before anyone comments anything assholeish we have six kids but we don’t get food stamps, so yea there’s not that extra money).

Body Image

Carrying a baby in you is such a beautiful experience and it was amazing to feel those little flutters and kicks…. and then giving birth is such a spiritual awakening. Now lets times this by six and now I have a body that I don’t love. Prior to getting pregnant with our last son, I was working on being healthy and eating right, exercising. I would exercise multiple times a day for up to 2 hours a day sometimes. I would do it on my breaks (because I work from home), before bed, after I woke up, any time I thought I needed to exercise. No, I wasn’t skinny and I was obsessed with trying to lose weight, which was not healthy at all. Now, I’m like two in a half years after giving birth to our last son and I am ashamed of how I look. I cry over it. I have to gain control and I need to exercise and diet the proper way. I’ve stopped drinking Dr. Pepper, and I have tried Keto, Paleo, and Whole 30, some things just don’t work for me very well. Now, I am attempting to up my water intake, drink water in the morning, lower my caffeine intake.

These are just some of the struggles I’ve been facing in 2018. If you’re anything like me you tend to want things to happen right now and you’re super impatient. I have a support group for health on Facebook, it’s called Health Crunch and I will share it to my Facebook page!

Posted in Mixed Six

Purge…AND… I’m out✌🏻

Wait… purge?

Have you ever just needed someone’s attention and it’s like you’re screaming so loud but yet no one can hear or see you? Almost as though you’ve become a ghost to people that matter to you. Now don’t get me wrong I am very much aware that people have their own lives and they must live them. However, I am a firm believer that we all need the comfort of other people and to have others in our lives. It’s not healthy to be lonely.

What am I getting at?

Three years ago I left the face of the book, friends, family and everything. The tension and drama got so bad that I was unable to handle the stress of FB. Well, last year I realized how important it is to stay in the zone with my kids school and I can do it easily but FB. Which made me reactivate it and thus starting an entire new chapter in my social media frenzy. I am calling it quits again. I don’t want to be that close to people. I don’t want to check my FB 24/7 to see what others are doing, I don’t want to see someone who dislikes me or me dislike them liking things and then creep on their stuff, I don’t want to feel entrapped in the world of FB and all the problems that come with it. Thus… I am not deactivating it but I will not be participating in my FB profile.

What does this even mean?

It means though I will have an active profile and have friends on there I will not be updating you on my life. Now, I may continue to add photos of the kids every now and then. I will be on my group and still running it. I will have messenger installed on my phone in case teachers need to reach me. I will be available for contact. I will also be running my FB Page with the same name.

All Other Social Media….

I have deleted all my social media apps from FB, Snapchat, all the way to Instagram. If you really want to find me I guess you would know how.

I will be updating you on my recent Keto results and blog changes so please follow me to stay up to date!

Posted in My Opinions

Keto Challenge

Hello everyone! It’s been such a long time since I’ve made an update on here. I really need to start doing better at creating posts, my life is just so busy and there would be such good information that I could post daily so that you could follow me throughout my life. I’m just super busy. We actually just moved, we’re not even finished with the entire move, I’ll update you later on that and how it went.

I want to discuss the Keto diet today. As you know awhile back, maybe a little less than a year ago I attempted to do Whole 30 and I completely and totally utterly failed the challenge. Day 10 hit and I was so sick because of the sugar addiction and breastfeeding, I just couldn’t do it. After that I did attempt to do Paleo which I didn’t necessarily fail, I still pretty much stick to the diet except it was difficult over summer when I’d go visit family and they would cook. I know what’s healthy eating and what’s not now, which is amazing.

The thing about Keto that I find highly challenging is the fact that I don’t eat dairy and that’s totally okay on the Keto challenge. Then it limits your fruit intake because it is a Low Carb, High Fat diet. I’m worried about that, I love my fruits and veggies. I totally failed being vegetarian though, that is a discussion for another day as well.

This challenge is obviously going to be difficult for me and I’ve been waiting an entire year to start it because of how restrictive it is. The reason I had to wait is that my baby just turned a year old last month and I still currently breastfeed him, just not as much.

I want to be able to have my followers follow with me through this journey and see if I can get on the right path to a healthy lifestyle. I plan on including exercise and I am also taking Slique from Young Living, yes I know you should not digest oils, please if you read this, don’t take my word for digesting oils, I am doing this out of my own decision making. I suggest you read up on the safety of oil ingesting before you continue down that path.

Now, you know I don’t post a blog every day, I am going to try to be better at it. I will try to update at least once a week on the Keto diet, but daily on my Facebook page, please follow me here.

 

Posted in Random Thoughts

I am the Omega woman

People, who know me know that I love werewolves and vampires, so why not use the terminology to describe myself? Omega actually does not come from the lonesome wolf that we all know. It comes from the Greek word meaning a person who has been or feels rejected by society. Being rejected by society is not always a bad thing and here’s a post on how I am the Omega woman.

Not many people can actually really say they associate with me. They don’t know my thoughts or what is going on in my day to day life. Heck, they don’t even stop to say hi to me when they do see me. I know some people just add me on Facebook to be nosey but there is nothing to find there. I post about my kids and crunchy things. Maybe a humorous post here and there, but nothing really that come from my mind and heart.

 

I keep to myself. I have not always been this way. I actually started out posting all my cry baby business on Facebook because being a crybaby was my life and I am the first to admit this. I was so down on myself and had no shame in letting the entire world know how I really felt about my relationship. I’m actually ashamed of this.

I spend 99% of my time with my kids and doing mom things. Most of my friends don’t do this. If there’s an event at the school, you bet I’m there in each and every one of my kid’s classes. If my kid needs help with homework, I’m there to help him through it and to teach him what he doesn’t know. If the splash pad is open, you bet I’ll be going to that once a week or multiple times just to spend time with my kids. There’s a new superhero movie out, I’ll be there to see it with my boys.

I don’t allow others to tell me how to parent my kids. Like those people who ask why I’m so picky about the chemicals coming in my household or who get sick of hearing me talk about organic this or organic that. Hey, if you’re sick of it, there’s a door and please don’t talk about your bad chemical filled household, I don’t judge you, please don’t judge me.

I’m an open book. You have a question? I’ll answer it.

I push people away and I really can’t help it. I’ve had a ton of those people that were here one day to get their entertainment on and gone the next. I’m used to it. Please don’t let that door hit you on the way out because I’m not here to entertain you.

My loyalty game is strong. I’m loyal to my kids first and above all, my husband comes in a close second and friends/family are last. If they don’t like you, chances are I don’t like you.

I don’t fit it. I don’t go clubbing, I don’t care if you like my car or my house or the way I dress. I don’t care if you like that I breastfeed, cloth diaper, or the way I walk. This is me, you either like it or take a hike.

I am there for people even when they aren’t for me.

Conclusion

I am an Omega because I choose to be different. I don’t really go around saying I’m an Omega woman, but this is the term that can describe how I am. I don’t care what others think or how they feel anymore. I will not respond to the pettiness of others.

-queenofhartsxoxo

 

Posted in Mixed Six, My Crunchy Life, My Opinions, Parenting

A Home Birth: My Sixth Birthing Story-2016

As  I mentioned in my previous post, our last baby was supposed to be our last. I mean, no neither one of us made a permanent birth control decision, but we were content with the five kids we did have. The reason I didn’t want to make it permanent was because we were both so young and maybe one d ay we would want just one more baby. Well, on March 29th, my husbands birthday in 2016 we found out we were having another baby. The entire first few weeks we were anxious to see if this one would be a girl. We even took a  test called Sneek Peak and it’s basically to see if there’s any male fetal DNA  in your blood system. Mine came back a Boy. We thought that since our home was full of boys, that their DNA could have gotten on the package somehow, so we didn’t lose hope. I went to a 3D ultrasound pretty early, 14 weeks to be exact and turned out even that showed a boy. I cried because I knew this was it for me, we couldn’t just keep having babies because we want a girl. It means that I’d never get to go on mommy/daughter dates, etc. I cried because I was so angry that I was upset about the sex of my baby. It’s a legit feeling, though, it’s called gender disappointment. When I had my final ultrasound, I cried again because I knew at that point, he had to be a boy. I eventually got over it. As you will see in my birthing story.

This time it was all different, I didn’t go to a doctors office for check ups and I had a very close friend of mine who had done home births in the past. We live pretty far away from family, so we really had no one to help with the other five boys and we honestly don’t trust strangers. I decided that I was going to give it a shot and have a home birth. I remember when I first met my midwife and student midwife, I was so nervous because I had never done a home birth. They are really wonderful women. To do what they do, it takes something great.

After meeting her the first time, I started going to the birthing center once a month for check up’s until 36 weeks. Then it was every other week after that. I even got to choose whether or not to do the glucose test, you know that nasty orange drink? I could even do an alternative, this time, I decided to sit it out. Since I didn’t have any previous gestational diabetes I thought it would be okay. I had to go to a special lab to get my blood work done and the best part is, she never had to feel all over me when I went to my appointments. They were all pretty simple, she’d check the babies heart, measure the baby and my uterus, we’d talk about random things or she’d make sure she’d address any questions I may have had.

As you know, home birthing has no pain medication options, but, I was willing to take that step since my last son, I had no pain medication.  I was so sure that the baby would get here earlier than expected, I was due on December 2nd, 2016 and the day came and went. I got so frustrated because I was so tired and huge and my body just hurt. I was also really concerned that if I didn’t have him by 42 weeks, I’d be forced to go to the hospital and miss out on my home birth experience. I hit  41 weeks and by that time, it was like time was so slow, I could feel every single second of time becuase I just wanted the baby out. After 42 weeks there are supposedly higher risks your baby will be born still born. Well, 41 weeks hit and the days were counting. I had tried everything to help the baby come, nothing worked. Well,  I finally got out my breast pump and started pumping, I started having steady contractions… I went to get my 4-year-old a bath, as I bent down to wash his hair, my water just trickled down my legs. I remember yelling at my husband telling him “OMFG, MY WATER JUST BROKE” the kids all looked around trying to figure out, what water broke, trying to make me feel better. I was so scared because anytime my water broke before, the contractions got more painful. I started to shake because I was in such a hurry and I called the midwife to let her know. She showed up about 30 minutes later, I filled the birthing pool with hot water, and we waited. No baby. Nothing happened. So, the midwife checked me and said that I was dilated to a 2. That I could call her back if the contractions got heavier.

I tried resting through the night, but I just wanted to get my baby here. I also heard that 24 hours after your water breaks your midwife forces you to go to the hospital and it had me so stressed out because again, I wanted a home birth and at this point, I did not have a backup plan for our kids to be taken care of. I would start to contract and then it would stop when I got into the birthing pool, at this point I had no idea water helps stop contractions. About an hour before the 24-hour mark I contacted my midwife, told her to come on ahead and she showed up about an hour later. She checked me and she said I was a zero this time (weird right?) I almost started to cry when she told me that she has to let me know that after 24 hours there’s a risk of infection, but I do not have to go to the hospital. I was so relieved. She started giving me a tincture to help the contractions, she was going to do a membrane sweep, but she went to do it and it turns out that I was actually dilated to a 5, not a zero.  There was scar tissue which was preventing me from fully dilating and allowing her to check. The bad news? The baby hadn’t dropped far enough for her to do a membrane sweep. So, I took the tincture every 15 minutes, pumped for 15 minutes, walked for 15 on and off for a few hours. Then, once the contractions got steady and close together, I just walked and walked and walked until they hurt so bad I wanted in the water.

My midwife lets me get into the birthing pool to see if the contractions would stay, though they barely got too close together, I was contracting and they were painful. I kept my cool,  I kept it together because I don’t want other women to see me weak. Even though this was my strongest moment. The water was so great, so much relief from the pain, and I could just float there and be weightless with the world. It was wonderful. But, I went into transitioning and the pain just came on. At some point the baby was starting to come, I had to get out of the water, but begged the midwife to just drain the water out with me in there, she refused for safety reasons, which I understand. I got out and the student midwife, who was also a doula helped calm me and she helped me  through the contraction until I was able to get back in the water. After that, I decided I couldn’t do this anymore and I pushed out our sixth son.

After getting to hold my baby for the first time, I didn’t even check to make sure he was a boy until 20 minutes later when the midwife h ad to remind me to check! I was so happy to see him, it was just like a wave of love and emotions came over me. All I wanted to do was hold him. The midwife made sure he was okay, did a newborn screening and made sure I was doing okay before she left.

This experience was one of the greatest. I feel like its the closest I have ever been to one of my newborn babies, the closest the other kids got to be to one of their brothers. We didn’t have nurses coming in and bothering us, we had each other. I got to sleep in my own bed and take a shower in my own shower. I didn’t have to drive home or get in the car and come home, because I was already here, with my new baby. He was so used to all the sounds that when my 2-year-old threw a tantrum he didn’t even budge. It made me feel so str

It made me feel so strong to be able to have my son at home and to be able to have a midwife that was on the same level as me instead of a doctor that would force me to do things I did not want to do or agree with.  To allow my body to do what it was always meant to do and get ready when it was meant to be ready. FullSizeRender-1.jpg