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Open Your Eyes

Negativity surrounds humanity as if it’s the air we breathe. It dampens our hearts and brings fear into our souls. Negativity can make us numb and it can paralyze us. When we realize that we are the ones who bring negative energy into our own little positive world we will only then defeat and rise above.

For those of you who personally know me, you know that I don’t believe the same ways as everyone else. My mind is like an open book willing to take new information in, but one thing will always be for sure, I believe what I believe and some things you won’t be able to change my mind on.

I believe that we are in control of our own destiny, that every single thing on this Earth has a place. I believe in or nature and that nature heals all. I believe in so many things that a blog post is not enough to get you to open your eyes to all the beautiful and wonderful things in this world.

In order to see things from a different perspective, we must stop judging others for their choices. We must stop judging others for the way they see things and maybe open up to their points of views. After all, there’s an entire universe that is unknowing out there.

To say one type of perspective is wrong would be to say that you 100% know for sure what there is after this life. None of us know what is after this life, we only know what we believe in and have faith in. We only know what we were raised to know or what we taught ourselves.

To conclude this post, let’s get involved in the world around us. Study new and wonderful things. You don’t have to believe in it, just see the possibilities with how things work. Kind of like opening up a computer and figuring out what makes it run.

-queenofhartsxoxo

 

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A Home Birth: My Sixth Birthing Story-2016

As  I mentioned in my previous post, our last baby was supposed to be our last. I mean, no neither one of us made a permanent birth control decision, but we were content with the five kids we did have. The reason I didn’t want to make it permanent was because we were both so young and maybe one d ay we would want just one more baby. Well, on March 29th, my husbands birthday in 2016 we found out we were having another baby. The entire first few weeks we were anxious to see if this one would be a girl. We even took a  test called Sneek Peak and it’s basically to see if there’s any male fetal DNA  in your blood system. Mine came back a Boy. We thought that since our home was full of boys, that their DNA could have gotten on the package somehow, so we didn’t lose hope. I went to a 3D ultrasound pretty early, 14 weeks to be exact and turned out even that showed a boy. I cried because I knew this was it for me, we couldn’t just keep having babies because we want a girl. It means that I’d never get to go on mommy/daughter dates, etc. I cried because I was so angry that I was upset about the sex of my baby. It’s a legit feeling, though, it’s called gender disappointment. When I had my final ultrasound, I cried again because I knew at that point, he had to be a boy. I eventually got over it. As you will see in my birthing story.

This time it was all different, I didn’t go to a doctors office for check ups and I had a very close friend of mine who had done home births in the past. We live pretty far away from family, so we really had no one to help with the other five boys and we honestly don’t trust strangers. I decided that I was going to give it a shot and have a home birth. I remember when I first met my midwife and student midwife, I was so nervous because I had never done a home birth. They are really wonderful women. To do what they do, it takes something great.

After meeting her the first time, I started going to the birthing center once a month for check up’s until 36 weeks. Then it was every other week after that. I even got to choose whether or not to do the glucose test, you know that nasty orange drink? I could even do an alternative, this time, I decided to sit it out. Since I didn’t have any previous gestational diabetes I thought it would be okay. I had to go to a special lab to get my blood work done and the best part is, she never had to feel all over me when I went to my appointments. They were all pretty simple, she’d check the babies heart, measure the baby and my uterus, we’d talk about random things or she’d make sure she’d address any questions I may have had.

As you know, home birthing has no pain medication options, but, I was willing to take that step since my last son, I had no pain medication.  I was so sure that the baby would get here earlier than expected, I was due on December 2nd, 2016 and the day came and went. I got so frustrated because I was so tired and huge and my body just hurt. I was also really concerned that if I didn’t have him by 42 weeks, I’d be forced to go to the hospital and miss out on my home birth experience. I hit  41 weeks and by that time, it was like time was so slow, I could feel every single second of time becuase I just wanted the baby out. After 42 weeks there are supposedly higher risks your baby will be born still born. Well, 41 weeks hit and the days were counting. I had tried everything to help the baby come, nothing worked. Well,  I finally got out my breast pump and started pumping, I started having steady contractions… I went to get my 4-year-old a bath, as I bent down to wash his hair, my water just trickled down my legs. I remember yelling at my husband telling him “OMFG, MY WATER JUST BROKE” the kids all looked around trying to figure out, what water broke, trying to make me feel better. I was so scared because anytime my water broke before, the contractions got more painful. I started to shake because I was in such a hurry and I called the midwife to let her know. She showed up about 30 minutes later, I filled the birthing pool with hot water, and we waited. No baby. Nothing happened. So, the midwife checked me and said that I was dilated to a 2. That I could call her back if the contractions got heavier.

I tried resting through the night, but I just wanted to get my baby here. I also heard that 24 hours after your water breaks your midwife forces you to go to the hospital and it had me so stressed out because again, I wanted a home birth and at this point, I did not have a backup plan for our kids to be taken care of. I would start to contract and then it would stop when I got into the birthing pool, at this point I had no idea water helps stop contractions. About an hour before the 24-hour mark I contacted my midwife, told her to come on ahead and she showed up about an hour later. She checked me and she said I was a zero this time (weird right?) I almost started to cry when she told me that she has to let me know that after 24 hours there’s a risk of infection, but I do not have to go to the hospital. I was so relieved. She started giving me a tincture to help the contractions, she was going to do a membrane sweep, but she went to do it and it turns out that I was actually dilated to a 5, not a zero.  There was scar tissue which was preventing me from fully dilating and allowing her to check. The bad news? The baby hadn’t dropped far enough for her to do a membrane sweep. So, I took the tincture every 15 minutes, pumped for 15 minutes, walked for 15 on and off for a few hours. Then, once the contractions got steady and close together, I just walked and walked and walked until they hurt so bad I wanted in the water.

My midwife lets me get into the birthing pool to see if the contractions would stay, though they barely got too close together, I was contracting and they were painful. I kept my cool,  I kept it together because I don’t want other women to see me weak. Even though this was my strongest moment. The water was so great, so much relief from the pain, and I could just float there and be weightless with the world. It was wonderful. But, I went into transitioning and the pain just came on. At some point the baby was starting to come, I had to get out of the water, but begged the midwife to just drain the water out with me in there, she refused for safety reasons, which I understand. I got out and the student midwife, who was also a doula helped calm me and she helped me  through the contraction until I was able to get back in the water. After that, I decided I couldn’t do this anymore and I pushed out our sixth son.

After getting to hold my baby for the first time, I didn’t even check to make sure he was a boy until 20 minutes later when the midwife h ad to remind me to check! I was so happy to see him, it was just like a wave of love and emotions came over me. All I wanted to do was hold him. The midwife made sure he was okay, did a newborn screening and made sure I was doing okay before she left.

This experience was one of the greatest. I feel like its the closest I have ever been to one of my newborn babies, the closest the other kids got to be to one of their brothers. We didn’t have nurses coming in and bothering us, we had each other. I got to sleep in my own bed and take a shower in my own shower. I didn’t have to drive home or get in the car and come home, because I was already here, with my new baby. He was so used to all the sounds that when my 2-year-old threw a tantrum he didn’t even budge. It made me feel so str

It made me feel so strong to be able to have my son at home and to be able to have a midwife that was on the same level as me instead of a doctor that would force me to do things I did not want to do or agree with.  To allow my body to do what it was always meant to do and get ready when it was meant to be ready. FullSizeRender-1.jpg

 

 

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Happy Halloween-2016

It is officially the first holiday of “The Holidays Season” and it’s such a great feeling except, what is up with our weather. It’s like 80 degrees outside and it’s Fall?? I guess it’s normal to wear shorts in some parts of the country during this time of year. Even so… Happy Halloween to all those people out there.

My 5 year old received his first Student of the Week ever this year on Friday. I was in the gym watching all the kids who weren’t supposed to wear mask, wearing them anyways and the overexcited children talking so loud because they had a school Halloween, excuse me “Fall” Party that day. It got me to thinking, why are people such babies? I remember when I was a kid and got to wear my costume to school, parade around the block, and then go eat the cookies at my party.. I had fun. It wasn’t about religion or monsters. People are just huge party poopers! Just because we dress up and act all crazy on Halloween does not mean that we are going to start a ritual and start a magic spell to possess you and some of us are Pagans. We don’t look at Halloween parties as a time to celebrate our religion.

Schools have taken every single “religion” name out of parties. Our school parties are “Fall” “Winter” “Valentines Day”. Because of course Valentines Day is not a religious party at all. Again, I’m Pagan, I do not celebrate Christmas the way the world does, but I call it Christmas, I have Santa Clause for my children, as this is something children with imaginations should be able to grow up and celebrate and have memories, wonderful childhood memories.

Happy Halloween everyone and have a safe trick or treating night. My kids are Cap’n America, Sonic The HedgeHog, Spiderman, A Pirate, and Cookie Monster this year 🙂 My husband and I have matching shirts, totally not planned but it turned out to be a great idea anyways.